Types of Responses to Daygame Approaches in Korea
There are three types of common reactions one will get when approaching on the street as well as specific emotional archetypes one will come across. The first type of reaction is the Dismissive move. She will either ignore you, wave you off, start walking faster, or make a verbal statement showing disinterest, Most guys without a strong frame or sense of self worth, entitlement, and self actualization of their inherent value will quickly eject, feel down, and walk away with their tail between their legs. Many girls (especially the hotter ones) do this automatically to screen out pussies, losers, wanna-be players, and chodes from even wasting a second of their time. At a lower paradigm you may view this as harsh, ruthless, bitchy or a cause of your sour emotions. Overtime you will come to find that this is a good thing, just as any good university or company does not let in any bum off the street, Hot confident women don’t either and know their value. They often need to be subtly shifted emotionally or in effect “won over” by enduring their seemingly harsh reactions. Some of these girls may approached so much within a given week that if they gave every dude a shot they’d literally have no time for anything. Just as you are also constantly being advertised online, TV, SNS, street flyers and don’t have the money or time or even desire to buy all the products, you purchase those worth your time and money by filtering them out in your own way. So it is best to recognize what it often is, a screening mechanism. In addition, girls may also react this way due to being very busy, in a bad mood, or on their way to something very important therefore a lot of the time it is totally outside of your control. Realizing both of these important points will help the self-pity and ego bruising that goes into getting dismissed or blown out. Nonetheless it isn’t until you put your balls on the line and go through the experience repetitively that your frame strengthens and emotions fully catch up to this reality outside of yourself. I am sure you have deduced that running away like scared ego bruised wussy is not that right response. It certainly isn’t because you are rejecting yourself and responding to her simple in-built screening mechanism. The answer is to stay in and party talk until either she cracks by opening up and responding (verbally, emotionally, or via attention) or makes it very clear that she’s either extremely busy or just not interested within about 30-60 seconds of a time window you give. Generally she will convey this by verbally repeating it a few times or by speeding up and moving away from you a couple times, another way is just never reacting to you for a whole minute or not ever looking at you.
What is “Party talk” – Party talk can be defined as talking to someone as though you already know them, sort of like shooting the shit in a party or situation with a friend or acquaintance. You might talk about what you’ve been up to, about the environment and observations about the person and what you’re observing and assuming in their mannerisms, attire, speech, etc (cold reading). The overall assumption and vibe is that you are comfortable and relaxed talking to them thus assuming familiarity and that talking to her isn’t something weird or strange as this is your frame, action, and sub communications. Often girls easily fall into your frame if it is strong, confident, persistent, and you’re comfortable with it yourself. The fact that you are comfortable, this feeling often transferred unto them, along with your sense of free expression and leadership/assertiveness allows her to be comfortably lead on an emotional experience with a cool guy and off of her previous plan or lack thereof. An example of party talking would be:
“I was just shopping for some new shorts cause of the change of seasons but Zara and Aland had terribly designed shorts in stock….might need to go to Sinsa for better style, you seem like you just finished work and are heading to yoga classes with that matt your carrying….used to do yoga back in san francisco, ever been there?”
계절이 변해서 방금 새로운 반바지 사러 나왔는데 에이렌드하고 자라에서 이번 시즌 촌스러운 디자인밖에 안나와서 아마 더 좋은 스타일 사러 신사 가야할거같은데…당신은 방금 퇴근하고 요가매트 가져서 요가 수업가는거같네요,. 저 엣날에 San Francisco 살았을때 요가 했었어요. San Francisco 가봤나요?
In the above party talk example you can see how the person expressing themselves is conveying that they are comfortable saying what they think, assume familiarity, and leading the conversation while perhaps even leaving short silent pauses in between sentences occasionally or making assumptions/asking questions with pregnant pauses afterwards and eye contact assuming she’ll respond just as a friend or family member would. It’s important to understand that initially a response is not necessary as one can keep party talking while including pauses for her to respond, or stacking assumptions that may or may not be responded to while repeating the process. This is a very useful skill to develop and will be necessary more often than not with hot girls who are on the move. The best way to develop this skill is by doing it over and over and taking in the girl, the environment, and expressing what you think. You can also practice on your commutes or when out and about by internally going over what you’re thinking or on the way to do/just did. In addition you can look around and comment on the environment and on what you see in it or like/dislike about it. You can also start developing your observational/detective skills by constantly observing and cold reading people passing by (preferably girls who catch your eye) by developing a series of statements about their story, what they do, what they are going to do, their background etc. It’s also good to look around when you are in a cafe, subway, or any stationary place and play the internal detective game of guessing the person’s story based on the clues you can collect about them via observation. The more you practice this skill and implement it along with the frame that you already know them and are providing them a chance to meet an awesome guy and explore an awesome potential experience/relationship.
The next type of reaction will be deemed The Cat (reserved but responsive). Asian women in general often display a similar emotional archetype of a cat. They may be a bit reserved, shy, or squeamish but the more you spend time and open up the more they in turn relax and purr at your side. Their response may be subtle and light, for example short responses, smiles, laughs, and emotional responses that aren’t as strong as their western counterparts. What most western gamers don’t realize is this is actually a sweet spot! She may appear disinterested to those gamers used to the girl talking a lot and giving all kinds of “IOI” or signs but if she is by your side, not going anywhere, responding emotionally , and following your lead (compliance) then it really doesn’t get any better. Those who overgame in Korea and focus too much on overt signs instead of compliance and subtle emotional responsiveness or investment generally have a very tough time and little success. As the cat is at your side, you may get her to open up by sharing your story and party talking. Sharing your story will be defined as sharing your relation to the environment and what your plan is in it. This helps to ground yourself in the environment and her to see you as a real person, also it creates commonality and context(which is important for street game to show her that you’re a normal human and not a stalker or creepo-salesmen) and the environment is the only initial common point between you and her. You can begin to expand the bubble out and share more details about yourself in an engaging and playful way while exploring her story. A fundamental law of social dynamics is that when you share your story first and provide value, others are more inclined to open up and share their story. Sharing first and initiating this process creates a sense of trust and connection that allows others to invest in the bubble between you. Exploring her story allows you to find out about her, what’s behind the mask of beauty and also figure out her current plan and logistics. This is essential so that you know how to move the interaction forward (i.e. kakao/number on instant date – SDL track).
Let’s look at an example of sharing your story/exploring her story:
Me: I was just on the way to starbucks here in Sinsa but thinking to go to a different one, I usually go to cafes in nonhyun but i’m getting sick of that area because I’ve been living there a year now doing marketing work everyday. You don’t seem like a marketer at all but maybe a flight attendant because of your hairstyle and make up.
여기 신사에서 스타벅스에 가는 길이였지만 다른카페 갈까해요. 보통 논현에서 카페 가는데 하지만 그쪽에 살고 마케팅 하고 그동네 카페 이제 지겨워요. 당신은 절대 마케팅쪽아닌거같고 머리스타일하고 화장스타일 보니까 승무원인거같아요…
Her: oh, I’m actually training to be a flight attendant so I’m going to an academy here.
오, 사실은 저 승무원 준비 하고 있어서 여기서 학원 다니고 있어요.
Me: Seems like a tough job with all the travel time and jet lag, of all things, why did you choose to study for that?
피곤하게 여행시간도 많고 시차 심할거같아서 힘들겠는데….모든직업중에서 왜 숭무원 선택 했어요?
Her: I want to travel around the world and learn about foreign cultures.
저 전세계여행하고싶고 외국문화 대해서 배워고싶어요.
Me: oh you’re pretty adventurous and internationally minded, not just focused on Korea. That’s awesome. I’m from LA, a city famous for hollywood movies, in-n-out burger, and homeless people! Ever been?
오 되게 개방적이고 국제적인 마인드있네요! 한국만 집중한게아니라 짱이네요. 나 LA에서 왔고 우리 도시는 할리우드 영화, 인앤아웃버거, 그리고 홈레스로 유명해요. 가봤어요?
Her: haha! Yes I went to LA last year and loved it, why did you come to Korea?
ㅋㅋㅋ 네 작년에 LA 여행 갔는데 너무 좋았어요. 왜 한국에 왔어요?
Me: To master the art of Kimchi production…..Kidding, actually was originally sent here as part of a culture program by my university and now working as a freelancer, finished up early and gonna grab coffee right over there….let’s go have a quick coffee!
김장 마스터 하러 왔는데요…..ㅋㅋㅋ 장난. 사실은 원래 대학교 한국문화 프로그램 등록해서 왔는데 지금은 프리렌서로 일하고 오늘 일찍 퇴근해서 거기서 커피한잔하려고, 같이 마시러 가자!
Her: Ah my academy class starts in 10 minutes…
아 제 학원 수업 10분후에 시작한데…..
Me: ok, cool let’s exchange kakaos , enter your ID here and maybe we’ll grab one another time in the area 🙂
그래요, 우리 카카오친추하자! 여기서 아이디 치고, 담에 시간 맞으면 커피나 한잔 해요.
You can see in the above example about sharing your story and exploring the girls. Although the girl isn’t giving lengthy answers like many western gamers may be used to, she is responding verbally and emotionally as well as not leaving. She is also sharing a bit about herself and eventually asks about me. Also through exploring her story we find out she goes to an academy near the area and towards the end after an attempted bounce, we find out the academy starts soon so go for the kakao contact. In an alternative situation where she was free and followed for the coffee, that would be the highest “sign” of attraction because she’s being compliant and following the plans you lead with.
The last reaction you may come across will be deemed the social butterfly, this reaction is one that may be most familiar or comfortable for those coming from the west. The girl will be extremely responsive, perhaps give lengthy answers and have a very friendly, open vibe even shortly after the approach. More often than not, these girls have lived abroad for an extended period of time. Some may be foreign hunters, the type who congregate at certain venues in itaewon, language exchange parties, or Tinder and it’s various offshoot aps. Others may just possess this personality despite being completely domestic. While the reaction may seem to be a good thing, often they are just being friendly due to their background and emotional archetype. This may lead to what is called a false positive, or just another swell friendly chat. You walk away feeling like you crushed it but there was no sexual tension, flirtation, and she’s just looking at you like a dickless English conversational partner. No…….not that dreaded castrated friendzone frame!!! Don’t fear, there is a way to respond to this one that can help. You will need to be a lot more polarizing, dominant, and intentful in your verbals and actions/subcomms. While the previous 2 examples require a strong frame with a subtle degree of intent that transfers her on to your frame and your plan, these social butterly/international types sometimes need to be shocked into your frame because their initial “friendly frame” is one that you want to dismantle as soon as possible. Enter: the way of the Frame Smash – making more overt statements of intent, and crushing her frame by disagreeing or overpowering conversational threads and laying new tracks to navigate for the interaction.
Example of Frame Smash
Her: When I was in Canada I had such a good time and I really love the culture compared to here. But OMG…there were some guys in Vancouver that called Asian girls yellow cabs….can you believe it!? They think they are quick and easy or something….
제가 케나다에 있었을때 되게 좋았고 케나다문화 한국문화보다 더 좋았어요. 하지만….맙소사…벤커버에서 어떤남자들은 동양여자들이 노란택시라고 불렀는데….미친거아닌가요!? 그들은 동양여자들이 쉽고 빨리 섹스할수있다고 생각한데….
Me: I’ve never heard that, I’m not Canadian. Anyways I like how in Korea things are open 24/7…..that’s one thing that makes living here so much more convenient.
한번도 들어본적 없어요. 나 캐나다 사람 아니에요. 어차피, 한국에서 모든것은 24시간에 영업해서 좋고 여기 살기 편리해요.
Her: Yeah so in America they don’t say asian girls are easy?
네, 근데 미국에서 동양여자가 쉽다고 하지 않아요?
Me: No Idea, haven’t lived there for 7 years. Since everything in Non-Hyun is 24/7 I’m feeling like a beer now. I think it sounds better than standing here on the street! Let’s go to that Bongu-beer right there!
모르겠어요, 거기 안산지 7년되었어요. 논현에서 24시간영업 하는데 많아서 지금 맥주 땡기네요. 여기 길거리에서 서있는거보다 거기 봉구비어에서 맥주 한잔 하는거 더 나을거같애, 가자!
Her: Umm….well I should study for a test this weekend….
음…근데…이번주말에 시험있어서 공부해야겠는데….
Me: That’s 5 days away, you have plenty of time! I’m heading there so join me for a bit.
에이 5일후 시험이잖아, 시간 많다! 나 거기로 가는데 잠깐 같이 가요.
Her: umm…well…ok sure!
음…그래요!
In the above dialogue you see how the girl was very outgoing and controlling the frame by leading the topic unto one that was like a train crashing into a wall….certain to go nowhere for both parties in other words. Here by cutting the thread and switching to a whole different topic, the frame was taken back. Also, her attempts to redirect back to the previous thread and reframe the interaction were smashed and transformed into an instadate via bold confident leadership and not buying into her excuses or assertiveness. Basically believing and leading with your story and purpose stronger than she is with hers is the essence of the frame smash. This technique is one that is useful in various situations and with all types of girls, however it is essential for the social butterfly due to their tendency to want to dictate the frame. In any given situation if a Korean girl is dictating the frame, there is a 99% chance that the interaction will not lead to sex or to your desired outcome. Thus employ this technique when needed, don’t be afraid to be disagreeable, break rapport, and lead strong for all people respect someone who speaks their mind and doesn’t put up with shit…it is realness that earns respect and gets you laid not being swell and fighting to be liked.
If you want to learn more about daygame approaches in Korea, how to text, run dates, and master dating in general check out the Pickup Korea FAQ Cheat Sheet or the Pickup Korea Ebook
