A common question that I frequently get asked by newcomers to Korea or those who are dating Korean girls abroad is, “Why do Korean girls ghost so much?” Ghosting or in Korean 잠수 (pronounced as Jam-su) is when a girl suddenly stops responding to texts or other forms of contact and can happen prior to the first date or pretty much any point during a relationship. While ghosting also occurs in Western countries, most people are shocked at how much more prevalent it is in Korea.
First of all it is important to understand Korean culture and saving face. Rather than giving a reason why they don’t want to show up to a date or continue contact with you, they chose to ghost in order to avoid a conflict or cause any sort of embarrassment. When you approach a girl, they have no social obligation to engage in polite or even dismissive chit chat and so it can be easier for them to just walk past you. The same dynamic applies during a text exchange and it is easier for them than replying/responding.
Korean girls ghost to avoid pressure or anxiety about the meet up. They might be nervous due to the fact you are a foreigner and they don’t speak English well so have 영어울렁증 (literally fear of English – yeong-eoh-ul-long-jung) . They might be busy with other things and tight on time so juggling work obligations, social obligations, and dates can be too much to handle on any given day. Company workers often have sudden company dinners (회식) or overtime work (야근).
Hotter Korean girls ghost and can be extremely flakey due to their lifestyle and options. They might work as a hostess at night and sleep all day, or went out clubbing the previous night until 7AM and don’t feel up for meeting. They might have to go for a sudden photo shoot, or just have 3 other guys she has plans to meet that day and chooses one of them or just decides to blow them all off to sleep or hang with the 언니 ( female friends – Eon-nee). They often will respond in very short texts, and text back at very irregular intervals, and lining up a meet up is a matter of timing, interest level, and random variables not popping up that day.
Some girls will choose to block you and evidently there is a way to find out. If you add them to a chat room in your Kakaotalk with another friend and they don’t get added, this means they have blocked you. I personally never do this because I simply don’t care and have an abundance mindset. At the end of the day ghosting is normal and some Kakao contacts will block you and you should put your focus on the fresh contacts who are moving towards meetups while talking to hot girls daily instead of ruminating on why a girl blocked you or ghosted you. That being said, if the majority of your contacts are blocking you or ghosting then you have a lot to troubleshoot in your interactions and dating life. If you want to improve your interactions, texting, and dating life, check out the Comprehensive guide to Korean dating here.
